Six days after our son was born, he had to be hospitalized. Having brought him in with a fever, the doctor advised us that he would have to be kept in. Extensive tests were to be carried out, including a lumbar puncture, which involves the drainage of fluid from the spine.
I wept because this was not how I wanted things to go. I did not want to see my new baby boy with blue bruises on his arms, caused by IV probing and poking. I certainly did not want the news that came a few hours later, that he most likely had a bacterial infection in the fluid surrounding his brain – in other words, Meningitis. Apparently, only one in a million babies contracts it. Sadly, my baby was one of them. He was to be hospitalised for at least 2 weeks. As to the outcome of the treatment, nobody could say.
Aside from crying and feeling numb, I knew I had to turn to God. I needed Him more than ever. But when I tried praying, I wasn’t sure how to pray. Do I pray, asking for our son to be magically restored to perfect health? But who am I to tell God what to do, I said to myself.
The paediatric Ward was full of families, wanting the same thing for their child. But just because the wish was not granted, it does not mean that God does not love them. He just has a different plan.
Not able to think straight, I simply prayed for the grace to accept whatever God willed, and to feel His love in the process.
This incident coincided with my reading the book, The Forty Rules of Love. I had the book in my bag and re-read some sections that I had already highlighted. They reminded me of God’s love and His presence.
“Doesn’t God say, I am closer to you than your jugular vein? He is inside each and every one of us. That is why He never abandons us. How can He abandon Himself?”
We did not have family nearby. However, whilst they could not be physically with us, it was comforting to learn that God was very much there, with me. As I prayed to surrender to God’s plans, already chalked out for me, I also read:
“Some people make the mistake of confusing submission with weakness. It is anything but. Submission is not an inadequate or defective quality, but a form of peaceful acceptance of the terms of the universe, including the things we are currently unable to change or comprehend”.
In the light of submission, something miraculous happened when we saw the doctors again. They told us that they had made a mistake. Our son did not have a bacterial infection. It was, in fact, a viral infection causing the fever, which would go away on its own. Our 2-week hospital stay suddenly turned into a 2-night stay. It was surreal. I could not believe what I was hearing – the doctors made a mistake!
I was numb again, but this time it was because I was overwhelmed by God’s love and His grace. We were blessed that our diagnosis had changed, but what had me in awe was simply that feeling – the realization that He is always with me. That He is always carrying me through every phase of life, and that His love is always available to me in every situation.
“God’s love is an endless ocean, and human beings strive to get as much water as they can out of it. But at the end of the day, how much water we each get depends on the size of our cups. Some people have barrels, some buckets, while some others only have bowls”.
So I prayed. I prayed for God to bless me to ever embrace as much of His love as I can, and not to place limits on it.
The thing is I am a very weak human being. I felt broken when all of this was happening and I know I don’t have the strength to face challenges in life. And that is why I’m reminded to keep praying with the words, ‘Help me surrender, God. I know, through You, my weaknesses can turn into strength and Your love will always be enough to carry me’.
I want to thank my spiritual teachers, His Holiness Nirankari Babaji and now Her Holiness Pujya Mataji, for blessing me with this beautiful gift of realization. The following passage, also from the book, summarizes the role of the Guru in my life.
“A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to himself/herself ; he/she will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration from you, but instead help you to appreciate and admire your inner self. True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the Light of God pass through them”.
Thank you for letting the Light of God pass through you, Babaji and Mataji, so that it could reach me.
