By : Rajan Suri

How to overcome anger is a seemingly complex issue. All of us suffer from this malady with varying frequency, at one time or the other. Does this problem have any solution, at all? Let us see.

Whenever a student is called upon to solve any complex mathematical problem, he or she has to first comprehend the underlying principle. Once, the correct principle or formula is understood, the same can be applied for arriving at the correct solution. Let us ponder whether there is any principle to be understood which will help one overcome anger.

Why does anger arise? It is laid down in Bhagwad Gita (Chapter II, Verse No. 62) that anger arises out of desire. What is this desire? It may be for money, comforts, house, children, name, fame, etc. These all are no doubt desires, but there is one very basic desire which lies aflame inside every human heart and which is the root cause of all other desires. This basic desire is ‘This should so happen’ and ‘This should not so happen’

Whenever we decide in our mind that something should happen in a particular manner and that something does not accordingly happen, we become angry. If we wish that something should not happen or other should not do something and if our wish is belied, we become angry. This goes to establish that the basic cause of anger and frustration is our latent desire i.e. ‘This should so happen’ and ‘This should not so happen.’

It is easy to understand with a little logic that there is hardly any use of keeping such a desire alive in our heart. Will the entire world dance to our tune? Is it possible that everyone around us would act only on our bidding? When we expect our family members and others to blindly obey us, do we think that they have no desires of their own? Does not a similar overpowering desire dwell in their hearts as well? So, why should they, at all abide by our wishes? If they abide by our wishes, then we should also abide by their wishes. If we are not prepared to dance to others’ tune, do we have any right to demand obedience to our wishes from others?

It is, therefore, vital to completely relinquish our insistence on compliance to our basic desire that something should so happen or something should be so done. But we insist on this because of our ego, which arises due to entirely false and misplaced notions of superior wisdom or exalted position. It is basically our ego, which manifests itself into anger in our day-to-day behavior. If one desires peace, one has to surrender one’s ego. There is absolutely no other way. In fact, all the evil instincts like anger, grief, greed, attachment, falsehood are based solely on ego and thrive on it.

May I be permitted to ponder a little further. A person, who blindly obeys our commands, tends to strengthen our ego by his actions. On the other hand, a person who justifiably acts against our wishes reduces our ego-level. Those who do not blindly obey you or criticise you or your deeds, are, in fact, your well wishers, as they save you from falling into the ego-trap. A wise person should, in fact, be sincerely indebted to such critics whose actions are nothing but blessings in disguise.

A widely preached teaching of saints, that we should always look for good qualities in others and ignore the bad ones, is hardly ever followed. We not only specifically look for bad qualities and weakness in others but also sometimes in our zeal to reform others, become angry and start preaching to others to save them from what are perceived by us as certain pitfalls. It may kindly be remembered that Satguru has not assigned any such job to his devotees. It would be better to refrain from expressing whether others are properly discharging their duties or not. If at all necessary, we may politely bring the correct position to the notice of a wrongdoer, but should desist from demanding compliance, as this generally proves counter-productive.

In nutshell by shedding our ego and by picking up only the good qualities of our fellow-beings, we can overcome the tides of anger and become truly the worthy members of our society.